If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
