you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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