I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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