So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
