well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
