my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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