I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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