She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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