woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
