So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
