I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
