I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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