My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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