I wish I only lived at night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
