so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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