Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize