God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
