btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
