then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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