splinters make it hard to masturbate
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
