she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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