That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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