Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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