Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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