Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
