when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
