my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
