If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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