Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
