I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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