I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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