I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
