I love black thongs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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