Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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