just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
