No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
