we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
