Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
