Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
