Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
