i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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