nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
