I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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