Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When are your genitals available?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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