I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
