I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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