the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
