he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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