The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
