and she was petting her beer can
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
