How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
