I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
