Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
