Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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