I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
