I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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