you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
