Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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