Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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