Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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