I think im going to throw up on grandma
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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