I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
