Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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