I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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